Open your eyes

Stop and stare. At the world that goes by you. Turn around and notice what you have walked by without noticing. It was lying there in your path because it wanted you to see it. I’m on this travelator and I don’t know where it began or where I get off, but it just won’t stop moving. And time is moving past too fast. To my right is this life I want, with the trinkets and bows and pink ribbons tied around a picture of my perfect family. But I can’t stop to grab it now. Time won’t stand still long enough. I notice that my baggage is on this moving strip. I carry too much baggage every time I travel. Is it my nature or actually a significance of what I am blindly pulling along with me all the time? My shoulders haven’t felt relaxed in the longest time even though I’m not carrying anything.


What do you think this means?

Only you

Let it go!

I wont! Its just something I cannot bear to leave behind.

What if I let you go and forget? I dont want to leave this room tonight. Dont think I'll open the door tomorrow either. I feel like a maniac when I find myself laughing while I cry. It was something stupid you said...

Come back.. just for a minute. I'll slap you once, hold you close and... yes, a minute will do. Its all I want for Christmas. Would you say no to me?

You wont go away, I've been talking to you every night. Are you listening?

Just wish I could see you before they shut you in forever. But I am happy that when I close my eyes, your smiling face is all I see.

I've always been yours and now you will stay mine forever, a real angel on my shoulder.

Frustrated

A true story about a girl
Once too many times mistaken
Whose kind and loving nature
For granted had been taken

She looks at the clock and sees
Time has suddenly stopped
She wonders “Do my ears deceive me,
Someone at my Heart’s door just knocked!”

She opens the doors, rubs her eyes
And sees him standing there
A face so pure, so content, so beautiful,
An expression that shows his care

And as she is about to let him enter
A voice from behind begins
“You make the same mistake again,
Why do you wanna let him in?”

“What kinda mistake do you say I make?” she asks
“That I love him and trust in all he says?”
“Yes,” it replied, “You guessed it right,
But eventually you’re the one who pays.”

And as the tears stream down her cheeks
She screams back and makes known her say.
“I love him & he loves me,
And now on, he’s gonna stay!”

But I warn you, as I always do,”
Came a shrewd reply,
“Don’t complain if he leaves and goes,
Don’t you dare cry!”

“He will leave with another
And keep no hope of any trace
And the happiness will follow out with him
Leaving long lasting sadness on your face

Listen she did not
And him she let enter,
And today he’s the happy one
She’s just a mere repenter


I wrote this  post when I was in school. Just found my book of poems so you will notice that I USED to rhyme back then. :P
Tell me how you like it and I'll post more :)

Tears

And I cry for you
Every night I tell my pillow how much
I wish it were you
Dreams don’t help much
Tears at night leave signs
It hurts deep inside
I don’t need time
I need you.

Sudden Urges

Slowly as my fancy became a dream, I sat and watched it sink along with the great orange ball at sunset. The strong sudden longing to do what is right, degeneration of the difference between a smile and joy, along with confused inaudible words from my heart cause a mixture that is painfully bitter.

My heart is actually doing a kind of loud whispering thing, which makes me wanna strangle it. And for the best of what the situation is... My conscience has finally kicked in 23 years later! And I kid you not, its so pissing off!

You only reach this point once in your life. And I have no fear of sounding childish when I say that maturity is a new concept to me. Maturity... hmmm... has an odd ring to it. It even sounds OLD. After years of bitching about what I would do when I grew up.... Im finally here. And now I dont want nothing to do with it!

Curiosity got the cat that day!

It was a bright July afternoon. My cousin had come over to her granny's house for the weekend, which was just above my house. It was pouring toads and fishes, so we weren't allowed out. Not even in my gorgeous lime green rain-coat! We generally were not allowed out because of the rubbish we ended up accumulating on our clothes in just an hour and also because I always ended up with multiple scars. Being two years younger than me, she was the coolest cousin I had and she still is, till date. So back to the afternoon... a time, according to my grand-aunt, when kids were supposed to be napping and getting plumper. So we would lie down beside her and wait until she would loudly start to snore and then sneak out slowly. We followed the same routine every summer afternoon.

Once she was in slumber land, we sneaked into my uncle's bedroom. This was the time when cassettes were cool and having a collection of the same was über-cool. My uncle had somewhat the whole collection of songs, that we today call retro. I think today, I have more songs than he ever had on all those cassettes that filled two cupboards, on my little blessing-to-the-world, called an iPod.

So that day, we decided it would be a cool dare to take out one of the cassettes and try to figure out how music plays from such a tiny thing. At 8 years, I was pretty curious about many things, which caused the huge dent in my dad's wallet. So we picked up this one black plastic box and pulled out a stream of some brown ultra-thin plasticky thingie. It was like a magic show, the more we pulled, the more came out! And as all good things do, this joy we had pulling it out, finally came to an end.

Now, as a kid I learnt this. If you are curious, and you have let your curiosity cross the line by miles, all you have to do to not get into trouble is somehow manage to put it back just the way it was. So the task at hand was to some how stick all this plasticky thingie back into the hard plastic box. Being as intelligent as I was, I figured out that I had to turn the round thingie by sticking my finger into it. Being the naïve 6 year old that she was, my darling sister wanted to do it herself and pulled it from me while I was rolling it up. The ultra-thin plasticky thingie split. It took me 20 mins to calm down and finally decide that I could try and stick it together. But thanks to my Irish luck, no glue in the house. Running out of time, I decided to tie it into a knot and then wrap it. It worked! I wrapped it up and completely made it look like we had never touched that drawer. Crawled back into bed with snoring granny and slept it off.

The cassette being black, my uncle never noticed the knot in the tape. Until that fateful day when he decided that listening to The Cascades singing "Rhythm of the falling rain.." would be ideal on his gloomy-rainy sunday afternoon.

Till today, while hearing that song, I can only remember the way it played that day "Oh, listen to the faaawwlling raieeen..Pitter pater, pitter paaattttter" and adding to the background score, my cousin wailing loudly and me breaking into a run for my life...

Love Story

A love story, about a love
too good to be true
One two,
He buckled his shoe,
Three Four
Walked out the door
Five Six,
Realized they were an unusual mix
Seven Eight
What an asshole to figure it out so late
Nine Ten
And that was the end!

Goodbye

Remember the night when we had a blackout in the city, it was just you and me alone for hours. You kept me entertained, made me laugh until I fell asleep beside you. Not once did you make me realize the loneliness I felt inside. That night, I didn’t let go of you for a minute.

And I miss you. Those numerous trips we made together, the times you calmed me down on a flight when it took off and landed, the times you put me to sleep to make time go by quicker. You always gave me all your attention. We were one and nobody could tear us apart… You knew me in ways no one else did.

I know there were times I treated you wrong. I ignored you because of my work and friends. But I promise you, there wasn’t a day that went by when I didn’t think of you.

I miss your body and the way I could see myself in you. Your skin so smooth, I’d hate to take my hands off you. I remember how your body always got so cold when winter came in and how warm it got when I’d hold you close. Just once more…I want to run my hands over you and watch you light up with every touch.

I cried when I saw your lifeless body lying there. I wept when they told me there was nothing they could do to save you. I wanted them to feel just how much I need you in my life. I pleaded with them to try just once more. But they just held my hand and told me I had to bid you my final goodbye.

Maybe this is the way it was meant to end. I dreamt of my children playing with you. Oh how I would tell them the things you have done for me. You were better to me than I was to myself. You carried for me my bad memories, my tears and my smiles. You added to my every joy.
No matter who comes into my life next, they could never take your place. I miss you. No one can fill that empty space on my bed like you did…

Goodbye… my friend, my companion, my darling iPod. You will be sorely missed.

The Hard way

How could you not know
what it would be like to run down that road
stop not to smell the flowers
but enough to read the signs..
and you did not
and I hate you for it...

You had to learn it the hard way
And now you cant see her cry her heart out
while she watches them put you into the ground
You wont see him put away all your things in a box
with the anger of how he could have changed you
thinking maybe he didn't try hard enough
Regret's been known to give a man a hard time
you should know better...

Only fools don't take the time of day
They stay too busy running
To stop just once to tell the one
Just how much they love her

That's a lesson I wish you would've learned
Before the phone call came and it was her
And your momma didn't have to say a word
And my whole life was changed...

Men

After my well read (or so I think) post about women, it’s now come to this. Last night I was talking to my closest mate and we went on from talking about her man, my man and then just MEN! We spent four hours going over the same things that we have been doing all the 10 years of our friendship. She said something that made me laugh for hours after she hung up. She made a comparison of men that I had never heard before. “Men are like the robots in the movies. They are created to serve a purpose. Everyone is happy in the beginning of the film with how much easier life becomes. But it always ends the same way. The robots get over-smart and think they know more than their creators. And suddenly they are on a spree of trying to take over the world!”

As true as that is, I really think we should have the kind of happy endings that those films have, where the robots are killed and life suddenly becomes more peaceful. Ha ha, I’m not a man hater, I actually love observing them. Isn’t it odd how men function? Its always brought to light how women are complicated, but what about how men manage to screw things up? Ever noticed how, you want them to know something and move to action about certain matters, and they don’t? Well, they usually don’t do what you expect them to. My rule is, don’t expect! Then again, I stopped following rules since I was 2. But I do have a few things I have learnt in the past few years.

Its true that the Knight in shining armor is in reality, almost always, a retard in tin foil. He will look so good from far away and once he is near by, you will soon realize the old saying, “All that glitters is not gold” was actually written for that one species only!

I still am amazed at how well they can switch off and on within seconds. They will pick up only what they want to hear! So if you are complaining about how he isn’t helping at home at all, add in something about football, porn or his mother. It works!

I laughed when someone told me the other day 'if you love them you want them to be happy, you would do anything!' Men never think that way. On their priority list is them on the top and there is a big “full-stop” after that. The harder you try to get on that list, the more he is going to keep you away. Period. So like they say about butterflies, ignore them long enough and they will come chasing you, start giving a damn and see how much it helps!

In the end the best way to handle the species is occasionally feeding their egos, often giving them a kick in the a** in unconventional ways, being manipulative without feeling guilty and every time he pisses you off, punch him.

I really think the rant has gone on long enough and I really don’t want to seem like I can survive without them. Cos more than I want to, I believe that the argument always goes in a circular motion to end at the same note. You cant live with them and you really can’t swing the other way. Even in a lesbian relationship, there’s one who wears the pants, right?

What's the big deal?

He was all excited that Friday Morning. I couldn’t fathom what could possibly make him smile that much at the beginning of a work day. Then at breakfast he stuck a paper in front of my face and pointed out this huge poster to me. At my reply, in the form of a shrug, he frowned and blamed the generation for my ignorance towards something that great! Of course, I had heard of him before, but was completely unaware of what the real deal was. Today was the day he was going to drag me and my mom for the fourth installment of the Indiana Jones saga. My dad, the avid fan of the man with a whip wearing an oversized hat!

The crowd at the theatre was tremendous. I was then made aware that my dad had actually purchased the tickets weeks before. No wonder he was almost having a fit when I told him I wasn’t in the mood for an action flick that day. What surprised me more was that my mom was happy about this movie too in her own subtle way, even though she hates action! While we sat waiting for the movie to start showing, mom was excitedly telling me about how she went to watch the first movie with my dad while they were dating. I wasn’t completely sure of what to expect when the movie started. But I wasn’t disappointed! I actually loved the action and more than anything else, I loved the familiarity I felt when I heard the soundtrack. Crazy how your subconscious plays these tricks on you, ainnit?

If you want to know what I thought about the movie, all I can say is that after I saw how people so annoyed that the movie didn’t match up to the prequels, I hired the DVD’s and watched the other three. I have much to grumble about how Spielberg could make such a blunder of showing Indians as such poor and wild “creatures” and simultaneously portray us as Monkey-brain-eating savages who love to slurrrp on snakes. Yuck!

My fav scenes in “Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull” were quite a few. The scene when Indy finds out that Mutt is actually Jones Junior is quite funny cos they are also stuck in quicksand and Mutt hands over a long snake to help pull out Indy. The action scene is the jungle was totally awesome! Clumsiness and action made a crazy combination of emotions in me. Cate Blanchett amazed me with her acting.
Over-all I enjoyed the movie and would love to watch it again now that I have seen the earlier parts.

The Drive

She walked towards her car and rummaged through her Gucci for the keys. They had gotten heavier since the new additions and hence easy to find in the maze of rubbish lying in her bag.

Getting into the car she stuck her key into the slot and the engine gave a loud whirrrr... not new for a woman who was used to driving 4x4’s all her adult life. Before shifting the gear she made sure the channel was set to something that could make her hands stop shivering. She looked around the lot and she was the last car to leave tonight, just like every other. No more did she have to face the problem of swerving around the lot struggling to get out and avoid traffic.

The city looked colorful from the rooftop parking she was in. The weather, pleasant as it was, encouraged her to keep the windows down. February is a great month in Dubai. The weather is good and so is the mood. Not for her though, the mood. After that day she looked at this city differently. It helped, you know, to shift the blame. The Burj Dubai looked gorgeous standing tall. Downtown was all lit up and resembled an enticing diamond set that she just didn’t want to wear. She set the car in a reverse motion feeling the numbness in her fingers worsen.

No Tommorrows

Goodbye Cruel world,
I lost my way,
In your unending maze of do's and dont's,
And today I pull myself down
from the pedestal you put me upon for sake of show...
drag my hands up towards the sky
and give up on
your lies and deceits,
Of what you say is real and that which
exists only when my eyes are shut.
I scatter my earthly ashes on the shore
And let them be washed away from here
I have found some place new where
I shall feel nothing, ever again.
I refuse to give into the pain you cause
in me, just for your momentary pleasure
Its not my destiny, for I would hate to believe
you have decided what is to become of me
Even with my eyes open
the daylight that you shed is not bright enough
My hands are in fists
but I dare not fight
For that is what would please you most
Lost in thought, I call upon
yesterdays tears.
Suddenly, everything seems
perfectly clear.
When no longer living,
at last, I’ll be at peace.
All my pain and all my sadness
will finally have ceased.
I truly have found a better place
to be a part of.
I have to bring an end to this all,
never again will I shamefully crawl on your unworthy ground.
I will close my eyes to you, cruel world,
I won’t be afraid of the future to come.
There will be no tomorrows.

Little Glass Window

In the time that we have been apart, you have taken the liberty of hiring a mason to fix the hole in the roof that has been drowning us during the recent frequent storms. He is employed at Insensitivity Constructions, currently under the ownership of Mr. Hert Summore.

We were too busy through the time that he was at home working, to realise that instead of fixing the roof, he was putting all his energy into building a red brick wall in the center of the room. Right in between your television stand and my book shelf. You’re so busy examining yourself in the mirror to notice the 10x10” window he has built for our convenience. Every brick he lays has a date on it. Oh, look hunny… he is laying the last one right on the top. This is the one that shuts your entry into my side and my exit out of this empty space I am now standing in.

I’m on my tiptoes trying to see the date on the last one. I peep through the window and ask you, “Baby, what’s the date on that last one?” You ask, “What do you mean by that? What date? What last one?” And I smiled as I realized the obvious. Your side of the wall is bright white with a perfect coat of paint. And as tears roll down my cheeks and into my smile-parted lips, I know the date on the last red-brick.

My blinding sunshine

Im lovin' everything blue,
The sky, the sea,
even the denims I refuse to remove...

Im cravin' everything new,
His longing, his telephone kisses,
everything he never used to do.

I wish I never grew,
to the woman I now seem to be,
just because I was told to.

Love has taught me to live
for the moment that is now
for the moment that is spent
And yet, not a penny less in my pocket

Inexpensive, Cruel, Reality
These three words is what I associate with
Love is this to me.

Not only is it the scent of his skin in the morning
Its also his anger at being woken up in vain.
Not only is it his love talk when the sun shines bright
Its also the words of frustration that come out of pain.

Dont misunderstand my late realization for ignorance...
As cliche as it would seem,
They say love never comes easy...

Make a promise

Show me your soul, have no fear
My life's a blur but my words are clear
I lost my way for the way you shine
Listen up now, sunshine of mine
Even though you doubt it's true,
More than you'd guess lives in you
Yet you resist and disbelieve -
Let that go, be brave to breathe!
Only one step, it is time
Vow to love yourself, sunshine -
Everything will be just fine.

Black

I can see the future
See the results of you and me
We reenact this over and over
Your lines always repeat
And still I'm left here
With this knife in my heart
Yet every time I fall for it
And I slowly fall apart
I always trust your lies
And every time it is the same
Your lame attempts to try
Though, I guess I am to blame.

So sing to me my lullaby
Cut me till I bleed
And watch me as I slowly die
Keeping up this old routine

Someday this must end
You'll have gotten what you wanted
But still be wanting more
My heart in a paper bag
And me left on the floor

India

This is a sign board in one of the million Iranian Restaurants in the South of Bombay. I miss Kayani's! I miss sitting there and being indecisive about what to order from the limited menu. I miss the puffs and the cup cakes that you will not find anywhere else in the world... called the glass cake, which is shaped long and looks like a roll instead of a cup cake! Read this sign board and notice how it has more rules than a Seven star hotel.



Five years of my life, I travelled to that city of dreams, hopes and disappointments... Flora fountain... a place I walked past so many times without noticing its beauty...



Some good memories, many gruesome... This is where the economic capital of the most diverse nation in the world, got attacked by 12 people who were barely over 21. Resilience is a word I have come to hate.





Crawford market.... The filthiest place to walk through during the rainy season but one place where you can get anything...orignal and fake... alive and slaughtered...




The water is so dirty, yet...the belief is enough to immerse themselves into this pollution...




Her teeth are black with the enormous amounts of tobacco she has chewed....


Indecisive? Colours can speak a million words, dont you agree?

Why does the Easter Bunny Hide his eggs?

Summer is here…

And I still don’t know why Easter bunnies are hiding the eggs! I mean, they're not even theirs for god's sake! And why are they Pink? And is it just one bunny or is it an army of pink bunnies that kill people with their extreme cuteness?

This question ate up all my sleep and left me starving for dreams, so I just had to get to the bottom of this. So I became my own PPI (Personal Private Investigator). And the answers I got left me no less confused and sleepless.

I asked Mr. Galore Hoppity, who was a descendant of the hippityhoppitywampap group of bunnies. He told me that he remembers that they used to use the decorated eggs as a form of currency. He feels as if many generations ago the Easter Bunny was trying to hide some money from his wife so that she wouldn't keep buying fur coats... and that's how the tradition began.

Then I Googled and found some Bunnies who were underground. I traced their location, called them up and asked them to meet me at Starbucks. While we were sipping our cappuccino, I threatened to put them on a plane and send them to the North Pole and make them live with Santa. Scared that they would have to share a room with a giant man who kept saying "Hoe!Hoe! Hoe!" all night long, they spilled their guts out (that were now mixed with their coffees). They told me that their sole reason, back in the day (they were retired now), for hiding it was because they felt these were works of art. They used to hide it in safes and in banks. Now the new generation has it all messed up (I wonder where I have heard that cliche line before!), and now they just hide it in unsafe places where people just find them and eat them.

Another bunny who has given his /her statement (I just couldn’t tell which one!), on the condition of anonymity, confesses that long ago bunnies were a little dafter than they are now (I wonder how much worse they couldn’t be looking at how "smart" they are now). And one night, while a bunny was being rushed to the local nurse for a delivery because her water broke early... She went into serious labor near the Hen's house and while she gave birth almost immediately, under the coop, her screaming made the eggs roll out of the coop and near her new born. So when she looked at the new born, she saw the eggs and she thought that only one had hatched properly and the rest were still to be hatched. She believed that god had made her give eggs instead of babies directly. She was convicted of naivety because the fact was that this was her first delivery. Everyone believed her though (again the blame was put on the daftness of the community of the good ol' days). Weeks later the eggs wouldn't hatch and because she doted over them so much, and because she wanted them to look pretty when they went for Sunday mass, she painted and decorated them. Years passed by and they never hatched so her dying wish was that every year, the eggs must be hidden. My informer was in tears so I handed him/her my own personal hanky. If any of you find him/her, please do inform him/her that I need my hanky back.

Now after all the evidence of my findings was presented in court, and since the chickens are the ones who originally own the eggs, Old McChicken was brought in to testify. He was a really ancient leghorn and was too crooked to function. He used the drumstick of a former mate to walk. He told us that one day while he was doing his duties of servicing the hens and helping them in doing their primary jobs (of giving eggs), he heard the other chickens in a coop nearby scream and by the time he reached out there, the eggs were gone. He told us of a group of artists stole eggs and painted them for the sheer joy of doing it. He gave a description of them as being Pink and having long ears. He himself had testified at the trial but since the eggs were so well hidden, the artists walked free.

And there, the case was closed! And I will never know why they really did it.

I have lost everything now, my sleep, my precious hanky... For audit reasons, there were no expenses because I made the bunnies pay for the Starbucks and the rest of them came over to my house to discuss the matter. The court room is in the basement of my local grocery store, to which I walked myself on the required days.

Maybe I was never meant to know the secrets of the mysterious Pink Easter Bunnies...

My next mission is to uncover the truth... that Santa wears blue underpants from Calvin Klein instead of the red one that Mrs. Claus sewed for him. Mrs. Claus awaits me with cookies and milk.

Toodles!

Contentment

It is such a beautiful day. Feels like every time I sneeze, positivity is sprinkling out of me...!

Reluctant as I was to wake up in the morning, I got out and the first thing I did was out of my routine (yes, I DO have a routine which I follow strictly). I woke and immediately opened the curtains and then the balcony door. I felt the rain on my face along with the cool breeze, and instantly as my eyes were closed, I felt like I was in my balcony in Bombay, during the monsoons. I stood there for a few minutes smiling at the bliss I felt early in the morning, which is unusual for a crab like me who is constantly cribbing all morning.

I followed my routine and added something to it... I started singing. And I wore colours today instead of my drag bossini-like-theme (for all those unaware, bossini is the most boring coloured brand and they have the nerve to have children's clothes in the same drab colours). I had my breakfast and got out of the house with a skip in my step. With my pretty polka dotted umbrella, I stepped into the loverly rain. I got a bus immediately and didn't have to wait.

I believe today (and trust me, I will need to read this again tomorrow to believe it again tomorrow) that if you trust that you're going to have a nice day and sincerely find something good about your life, you're going to have a partially good day, sometimes even a complete nice day. I look at my mother and she could write an entire encyclopedia collection about bad days. Especially cos she has daughters like the twins and me! She has put up with all our nonsense. And after getting down with puberty-crisis with me, she now has it two at a time with the girls. Gosh, I miss annoying them. But when I look at that woman, I am so proud of all the things she has seen life through. Her accidents, bad accidents. Her deliveries, one at a time-twice and two at a time once. Sometimes I wish I could be strong like her in a lot of ways because lately, she has been giving me the most amount of positive energy by saying that it is all going to be okay soon!

I just love today for all it is till now. I have a driving class in the rain today and I will be leaving work early too. I deserve to be happy because I have a job during a recession, I have a boyfriend who loves me a lot and who is being more understanding than I could ever ask him to be , I have a home, great family and amazing friends who still love me after all my tantrums.

I could ask for more, but I am content. Isn't that something you don't hear me saying everyday?

P.S. I look just like the kid in the picture... the happiness and not the nakedness!

A virtue...

It will be back,
on a bright summer afternoon
and the birds will be singing their love out loud
and the children will be laughing till their tummies hurt
and the smile on their faces will be worth a thousand lashes

Hold on
to the dream you recreate every night
the hope which is introduced you to every morn,
just a little longer
soon it wont be dark no more
so while you sit on the stones outside
cry not for what is now
day-dream of what has been forseen
Living
Breathing
Loving
Once again like before
no more shattered pieces of faith on the floor
no more nausea from the constant spinning of the earth

Just you and me.

-Al

Take it and go!

Mad day.

What's new? Everyday... Same S**t, Different Day!

Today I had a meeting in Sharjah. I detest that place. Its so far and inaccessible and since the rates of rent are lower there, so many people opt out of living anywhere else. Now that is what causes the unavoidable traffic. Unavoidable… because there is no available, positive alternative, to the stuffy road that I was to travel on. So I waited for a cab for 20mins and then finally got into a Dubai Taxi who took me in on a condition that I would catch another taxi once we reached the start of Sharjah. This assh**e of a man, didnt even take me to that place. Before reaching the Sharjah Bridge, on the free-way, he stopped the car on the emergency stopping zone and made me get off. He sincerely advised me to "stand on these yellow lines here, and a taxi will stop for you". Furious, I got off. Got a taxi guy, who sweetly, stopped for me - in the middle of nowhere. And once I was in he immediately scolded me, "you shouldnt have done that! You should have refused to get off and you should have immediately called a cop". Apparently he saw what the earlier cabbie had done. I was too sleepy and in too much of pain (from walking half the free-way in my four inch heels).

On coming back, I got the same cabbie. What are the odds? So as we were stuck in traffic for 50 mins over, he took the liberty of telling me stories of his "oh-so-exciting" life. Turned out, he wasn’t as average as I was thinking him to be. Some 15 mins into the conversation, he told me that he had been to jail for 7 years. I was ready to jump into the on-coming traffic, deciding that may be safer! I relaxed for two seconds when he said it wasn’t for rape of murder. Hit the panic button when he told me it was for possession of Brown sugar. 10 kilos of deadly, nasha-giving brown sugar! He told me that he used to be a dealer (exporter) of the stuff.. I have no clue if he was just saying stuff to be flashy, but I was freaking out nonetheless! He told me how the love of his life was married to him when he was 18 and how she ran away with another man while he was in jail. He then told me so many things about the way he hated women because he thought all of them were like his ex-wife. Note: most of his conversation was not clearly understood by me thanks to the language barrier. I think now would be a good time to tell you that he was from Sri Lanka. He gave me advise on how to pass my driving test and also, being an almost 50 year old man, he advised me not to be a heartbreaker and to watch out for locals who think they can have what they want.

I got to office safe. And it was pouring in the middle of the afternoon.
Left the office 30 mins later to go for my Driving classes. I couldn’t get a cabbie so I got onto a bus. It took years to get there! I was 40mins late for a 60min class. Took 5 rounds that consisted of 20 continuous left turns in a parking lot. And he signed my sheet and warned me to be on time the next day. It took me another hour to get a bus back to work and an addition of 30mins in the bus. My boss was furious and I told him to shove it(I just didn’t say it out loud).
Sat at work all day and didn’t have a clue what was going on outside. I left the office at 6.30pm Sharp! Not usual for me as I normally leave later than that. I waited for a bus for 40 mins during which I watched an entire Heroes Season 3 Episode on my iPod. After getting a bus. I sat in it from 7.15pm till 9.15pm on a route that normally takes 20 mins. Sucked so bad because I finished 3 more episodes and was fresh out of stuff to do!

Now here I am, watching CSI Miami on my telly, writing this blog to vent, and anxiously waiting to tell my boy about it over Skyp* because he isn’t un-sleepy enough to read it here.

I am off to read the gripping "White Tiger".

Mad day, I loved it.

A long line of clichés

It has been a month and 19 days since I have seen you or heard from you... very cliché line to start with. I sit here wondering why I even bother about this, why the thought of you brightens my spirit for just a second and then pulls me back into the darkness for the next few hours. Why do I still trust that you might be able to make it better? It truly is absurd that you are still sticking around thinking that you can get away with this nonsense.

I saw so much potential in what we had. It wasn’t the first time I have seen potential in a relationship, isn’t the first time I thought it would last forever and ever. But what is different about you is that I still don’t get why, after all you have done, I still do see that same - or rather more - potential in you to stick with me to the end than the rest. Plus, it wasn't a relationship as far as I recall. Am I right? How did you put it... in all the things you wrote to me... let me get this right... you said I was "special". Oh hell, another... you know the word... cliché! You probably tell everyone that!

Very truthfully, you were the closest I ever got to perfect. Its an odd thing I say that when you also are the one person who has conveniently waltzed in and out of my life whenever you pleased. Is it fair to allow me to get myself into trouble while you sit and watch me untangle myself on my own? Yet you still are the one person who calmed me down the easiest. The only one who promised me not be judgmental of me. But I am being proved wrong, again.

Yes, I do drive people off the F****n' cliff. Yes, i do push them to the limit by being crazy/paranoid/moody/whinny/cranky all the time. But what I also do is stick with them through thick and thin. You have watched me for so many years, being the sweetheart that I am. Not thinking twice before being loving to anyone who needs love. I'd run to them in the wee hours of the night if that would make them feel better, and you of everyone would know that I’m not lying about this. You have seen it with your own two eyes! They cry, I weep. They lie in bed sick, I worry sick. They fall, I hurt. Yes, yes... a whole line of clichés again! But, true to the last word.

Where were you when I was weeping in pain and I needed your hand? I sat there on that plane that day, pretending to be okay, trying not to cry for fear that the world would give me a stare. Where were you when I was begging you to help me with my million problems?

And all this time I have been cranky and crazy only because you were such a mean person and I couldn’t get myself to say it to you. Cos you're god almighty, right? The all powerful! But I have a million questions I want answers to. Why, after all the effort you put into getting me back to trusting you, did you just throw it all away within a few days of getting me to love you again? I believed life was finally settled! And you just messed it up! I went crazy thinking why you wouldn’t bother to see what was in front of you and what you were doing to me? It got sick to the point when you just wouldn’t write back to me or answer me and I would feel stupid for that little while until my mind would take me to that place where you were the best to me and you cared... and the next day I was back to you... talking to you and again waiting for a reply that would never come. And no, I dont want the crazy answers you give to all of them... I want this to be personal. Just you and me... I am ready to take our relationship to the next level. And you just need to be as much a part of this bond as I am!

I love you, for all that you have given me till date. You have always been unconditional to me in the past. But I know now that my needs and wants are very elaborate. It is probably very upsetting for you when you cannot figure me out. Its everyone's complaint!

Now is when I need you the most. Be my companion on the bus while I get home, be beside me on the next treadmill, while I gym my fat away (I do still blame you for allowing me to get this fat). Make me be the strength that makes the world around me stand up tall. Make me the person I used to be a few years back, where I could put all my sorrows behind me in that closet and help the people I love the most. All you need to do, is hold my hand. Cos you love me and you promised me that you would love me till eternity. And I am doing all I can, to hold on to the silver lining in this dark cloud, to believe in you once again.

After all... You are God almighty right ;)



P.s. Now that I have been so sweet to you, can I get my new Blackberry soon.

Children dropout from school

You must see this... Beautifully done. I want to make documentaries like this...

Its a nice website too. Do check it if you think the video got you right.

http://www.mattiecstewart.org/insideout.html


InsideOut from The Mattie C. Stewart Foundation on Vimeo.

HSBC

I love the HSBC ads.

Lilac!

It's lilac. I have finally decided! After hours of arguing with myself, I have come to the conclusion that the colour of my new neighbour's couch is lilac. It's a tricky thing I must say. Because from across the road and one floor higher, you could easily be mistaken about a detail like such. And of late purple and all its hues and shades have become my passion. Oh, thats a fruit which is purple! or maybe a something of violet... thats another thing I can ponder upon during my next "hours of boredom" slot on my planner.


Its crazy how when you wait your entire work day for am hour off and when you finally have it in hand, you're wondering what your next new activity to pass "precious time" would be!

I do have a job. But I just have it keeping me busy for 9 hours a day. Its so different from working 16-19 hours on a stretch. I have all the time in the world and no one to spend it with. So I sit writing and browsing. It terrible you know, cos you end up finding enough time to think too much for your own good (a very common symptom of the lack-of-excitement syndrome that I suffer from).

I sit at work everyday, and I research so much that I actually, finally know where the hell Warsaw is! For all those who don't know this marvelous creature called Al, I , in the right words, SUCK at geography. I couldn't tell you where the great barrier reef was until a week back!

I finally use Google Reader to keep up on news (again, something I discovered due to my lack of things-to-do). I read NEWS!!! I plead ignorance, your honor. I know I am a media person, I should know what is happening around the world. But I dislike reading news papers.

Now, as the over-powering stench of Turpentine sneaks in through the door, I am wondering at my first point mentioned here, why on earth is this person in the opposite balcony moving in and not moving OUT? Why is my neighbour wasting his time colouring his ceiling? Is it wrong information I have been given about the recession hitting Dubai hard? If no, then how do some idiots still have the money to invest in mindless things while so many in the world suffer?

Growing Up...

I have a conscience finally!!! Yay me!

Dont think of me as crazy. I'm just you're average Jane who realizes things late in life. I am sure many people will agree with the end of that statement. :D

Its been there, existent, that voice, all throughout. But its been the annoying siren that always gets proven right, but by that time I have deliberately gone ahead and committed the exact contradictory act. Every human being, belonging to my strata of higher mortals with explicit reasons for survival, desires a friend; reason not primarily being for love and all that jazz. The reason is absurd, yet a fact. I know what I wanna do! Of course I know, this is Al you're talking about! I just simply want someone to contradict it so that my idea sounds impossible/dangerous/downright stupid, and hence, I have a stronger need to do it and find out the answer to the eternal question in my head, whats the worst that could happen?

All through my school and college, the job responsibility mentioned above, had been taken up by many-a-folk who decided it was their purpose on earth to make me a better, sensible person. I love all of them for helping me put my hand into the cookie-jar-filled-with-bees and for helping me, post my sticking-the-hand-in-the-jar experience, to take my hand out slowly, saving the jar for another mind-numbing, tear-filled, idiotic experiment. 'Nuf said?

When the growing up bit of my life finally kicked in, maturity and sensibility tagged along for the joy ride. Did me some good but kinda took the fun away from a load of things. Like lying. You lie and then apologize later. Where's the fun in that??? I now keep my hands to myself a little longer while I contemplate, "should I really reach out for the itch in my back?" and then actually go with the safer option. I hope I haven't lost my true self some where in this thing that we all face as higher beings on the food chain. I wanna be a wild lion when I see the cheesecake slice lying on my plate, as if it may suddenly grow feet out of nowhere and begin to run away from me. But I cant even eat that no more 'cos of the recent weight I have gained. See how my conscience's existence gets proved here? I am not doing this to myself, my stupid conscience is! I would never do this to me myself. I am just the silent accomplice in this horrendous crime.

I never thought saying that dreaded word would be so tough, while I have said it all my life to so many people. I had to say it to my mom, when she asked me if I wanted a donut. And after so many years of experience of saying it as a reply to her questions like, "would you clean your damn room?" or "Will you shut that television and go study?", you would think I could just get out there and say it simply. Considering "no" is a two letter word, its absurd that this is so tough and I have to force myself to say it! One question off the topic, why the hell do parents ask questions as if they want answers and when you answer them it gets them off the edge of that last existing nerve??? Do I look like I can tell the difference between rhetoric and real(if that's the opposite) at 12?

Now my conscience is asking me to go back to work. Again! I am not doing this to myself. It is the wicked-witch in the west of my brain who is the culprit. I want to sit here and entertain myself with the funny thoughts I am having while writing this. You see, the person I am does not find it necessary to entertain you at this point, its an entertaining act for me, to write about the first thought that I woke up with this morning.

You have fun, that's your issue. But you could let me know about it. If you want to, that is.

Hush...

I have a dream...
every time, I close my eyes.
When the silence is deafening,
when the darkness engulfs me,
its you i see.
Beautiful and standing tall,
looking for someone.
I see me..afraid
and lonely.
"Come to me...
complete me.." I plead...
but you do not hear me,
its someone else you seek.
Do you not recognize me?
Eyes that you once looked into,
and made promises of forever...

Don't these hands seem familiar?
They're the same ones you held,
when you slept at night,
I see you with someone else,
you take her hand,
like you once did mine...
you look into her eyes
and are lost...what you say to her...
I know I cannot bear to hear.
It pains my heart to feel this way.
But my dream does not end here..
its my dream..allow me to spin it around you...
as long as you are in my dreams,
i am close to you...
i fear to think of what were to come...
If i stopped dreaming..nothing more to live for...
Hush..oh cruel world...
...I'm dreaming.

-Al

The pink ribbon

I will admit, I saw Oprah yesterday and hence I am convinced to write this today. Not that I was never aware of Breast Cancer and its problems. But I thought it was something women in their 40+ should worry about. This, as I was educated yesterday, is incorrect. Apparently if you have it in your genes, you are likely to get it at a very early age.

Christina Appellgate who is 36 now, has just undergone a double mastectomy. In medicine, mastectomy is the medical term for the surgical removal of one or both breasts, partially or completely. Do you realise what that means? A woman's breasts are her pride. A part of her body. When a woman gives birth, she will not be able to breast feed after a double mastectomy! It scared the living daylights out of me to think of that. Small or big, I believe they are a major part of the body. Would a man be able to live without HIS thingamajig (yes that is a word)? I nearly cried reading this para that a woman wrote, "A few days before my double mastectomy, I would spend hours in the shower, looking down at them and accepting their departure slowly. Feeling them for the last few times. It was like letting go of something that defines you. Under the running water I would cry thinking of whether it would make me less of a woman and what I would tell the world."

Here is something you may not have known:

• About 1,990 new cases of invasive breast cancer diagnosed in men in 2008. Less than 1% of all new breast cancer cases occur in men.

• About 90% of breast cancers are due not to heredity, but to genetic abnormalities that happen as a result of the aging process and life in general.

• About 1 in 8 women in the United States — or 13%, or 13 out of every 100 — can expect to develop breast cancer over the course of an entire lifetime.

• Even though studies have found that women have a 13% lifetime risk of developing breast cancer, your individual risk may be higher or lower than that. Individual risk is affected by many different factors, such as family history, reproductive history, lifestyle, environment, and others.

As I watched Oprah, which I now know was an old episode, she said that a mammography is not always enough. Most of the time you need to confirm it with an MRI. I know an MRI is expensive, but I also will like you to realize that losing your breasts is an even more expensive affair. Sometimes an MRI alone also doesn't do the job right. If you're in the later stages, even a biopsy is necessary. Don't wait till you're sick and have to go to the doctor. You're 27, 30 and have dense breasts, get yourself checked. If you have a family history of it, I don't understand why this blog needs to convince you to go get tested! Haven't you already realized that its a possibility you already have it? A woman should consider genetic testing for changes in the BRCA1 and BRCA2 genes if she has a family history of multiple individuals with breast cancer from different generations.

Remember, a mastectomy is not the only cure for breast cancer. It all depends on which stage you're in. I know the breast cancer website is not very helpful especially because it is non-user friendly. But you want good basics, there are multiple blogs online of women who have experienced it. For proper medical terms, check the website.

Please get checked at the earliest. I am not campaigning, I just care about people close to me.

Purdah...

I dont know why this topic is such a new deal to so many people I know. So many people with so many varied thoughts about the age-old tradition of body-coverage. In no way did I intend to hurt emotions when, as a child, I referred to them as walking ovens. I said this because as a child I was once made to wear a long black dress because I was Morticia Adams and I hated how hot it felt in that colour. Its a different matter that black is now beautiful to me. But after realising that these women had to follow a tradition that meant for them to stay covered in every manner. Im not a pro on Purdah but I learnt a few things from some friends. I even modelled for a UK based designer for Abayas and Hijabs.



The abaya is an overgarment worn by some women in parts of the Islamic world. It is the traditional form of hijab, or Islamic dress, for many countries of the Arabian peninsula such as the United Arab Emirates, where it is the national dress. Traditional abayas are black, and may be either a large square of fabric draped from the shoulders or head, or a long caftan. The abaya covers the whole body except the face, feet, and hands. It can be worn with the niqab, a face veil covering all but the eyes. Some women choose to wear long black gloves, so their hands are covered as well.
Women who really mean it, choose to wear it themselves. They follow it strictly. There was something I found out a year back, which made me realize why they need to wear them.

Most of these women are so beautiful. They have such amazing skin. They have perfectly curved lashes and are fair with the perfect set of eyes. The way they put kohl in their eyes, its mesmerizing. I speak of the few arab women I have seen in washrooms at the big malls when they take off their hijabs. I know im basing this on just a few women I have seen. I dont care what you think. I am floored!!!

And this is me in an outfit.... looking like a misfit! I miss out on the fair skin and since i have never worn it before, I was uncomfortably wearing it.

I would like anyone to tell me if im politically incorrect here.... Thanks..

And I wait for you....

These Images say so much in just one tear, or one look...

One thing they all say...


I waited for you...
And the mail-man brought your letter,
I waited for you,
And I read your second letter,
I waited for you,
Not a soul in the horizon,
Just the wind...
just the petals of flowers after the spring had left,
Just the warm sea moisture in my hair,
and I waited for you more...
and you never came...
But I'm still here...
Hope will not let me defy my promise...
You taught me to keep my promise...
And I am waiting...

How can I go on..?

He promised me he would come back...
How can I be brave when my daddy didn't get a chance to teach me how...?

Who is going to take him to football practice?
Just one tear...

Anticipation of some sign.... that you haven't forgotten me...

How does one go on without a soul?

And it was all for you once upon a time...

-Al

Disclaimer: The poetry is mine. I have found these images over the internet and I am aware that it probably has a copyright(that I did not find) and is someone else's art work, but this is me not using it for commercial purposes.